TM - 81 - What do you look for in a romantic partner?

[on_holy_ground]

Darius spent several moments looking at the question at hand, before slowly shaking his head and then starting to type out his response on the laptop.

I am a Catholic priest by profession, and I am quite certain that most people are aware that the majority of priests in this particular religion tend to be celibate. Now the word celibate comes from the Latin word caelibatus, or ‘unmarried state’, so of course that means that those of us who have chosen to take up the cloth have done so with the intent of never getting married.

Now, what this means is that I have no inclination to look for a romantic partner of any kind, and so my answer to this question would have to be absolutely nothing.

He sent the response, and then sat back in his chair, wondering once again what Methos saw in this whole Internet phenomenon.

Comments

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

Hello Darius, *gives a small smile but doesn't look at him*

Being celibate... do you ever feel alone?

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

*softly* There are many ways to feel alone, so I would be lying if I said that I never felt the aloneness that comes from want of some form of physical contact. However, I can't say that I have ever felt completely adrift because of that sensation, if that is what you are referring too.

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

I know about feeling alone. *looks down* Not just from lack of sex. It's like... everyone is around you but yet they don't see you.

I've only met one man who understands me.

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

So it is the lack of understanding that makes you feel alone? *nods slightly* That I do know about, as it plagues me as well at times.

*looks at her* At least you have found someone who can help to keep that lonliness at bay. That must be of help.

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

*she nods* It does. But at times when I'm by myself I still feel... lonely. Only him and Aleksandr understand me. Others just... don't want to.

What do you do to fight off that feeling?

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

I remind myself that things are probably not as bad as they seem, and that I am not as alone as I seem to think that I am. I know that when I am feeling vulnerable that I tend to make things bigger than they really are, simply because of the way I am feeling. So I keep myself busy with the things that I enjoy and soon the feeling passes.

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

I'm not always alone though. I hear... voices sometimes. Mostly in the opera house. Or very old places. They whisper to me. Sometimes it's not very kind.

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

*brow furrows slightly* What kind of things so they whisper?

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

Things. *she looks down, fingers fumbling with each other*

About death. Evil things sometimes. Hurtful hateful things. Wanting to kill.

They aren't all like that, *she quickly adds*

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

"What is it that the other voices say, the ones that aren't hateful?"

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

Sestra looked up to him, "They warn. They are also scared. They tell me not to be scared. Some even sing and dance. Others play."

"I...I have only told two other people of this. Besides you. Is it wrong to hear them? To sometimes see them moving at the corner of my eyes. Just not fully in view?"

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

Hid brow furrows for a moment in thought. "I would not say that it is wrong that you hear them, but it is certainly unusual."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"Aeon has always said I was special. She said she made... adjustments to me. I don't know what they are but I guess this is one of them." She gives a shrug.

"If I was to step into your church... I would probably hear them there too."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

Softly, "Given the age of the church, and the things it has been witness too, that would hardly surprise me."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"Would you like for me to come visit you and tell you what they say?" She asked innocently. "I... I also want to... you know... light a candle for Vanya." She sighs softly, "I miss moi brat. Very much."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

Darius frowns, being unaware of what had happened. "I...am very sorry for your loss."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

She closed her eyes, trying to keep from crying, "Thank you," She looked up to him, "Did you know Vanya?"

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

His voice is soft, and saddened by the obvious pain of her loss. "I am not entirely sure. The name doesn't seem familiar to me though."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"Oh... Evan Kasparov," She answers.

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

Darius blinks, then slowly nods. "I knew him..."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"You... you didn't know?" She feels a tear fall down her cheek. "I'm sorry," She leans in and hugs him.

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

He gently returns her hug, hand lightly patting her back in a gesture of comfort. "No, I didn't know, but Evan and I were never what you would call close friends. More like, old aquaintances."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

She laid her head upon his shoulder, "He was my brother," she whispered. "He took care of me when I first emerged. I bonded with him and Sandr. I miss him so."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

He continues to gently pat her shoulder, his voice soft and low. "I wish there were something I could do to ease your pain."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"Just hold me for a while. Light a candle with me." she looked up to him. She looked down, "My brother told me sex helps to ease the pain. To forget. For that moment."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

He clears his throat slightly. "Perhaps, but I would think that it would be a fleeting moment at best, and then the pain would return with just as much intensity. Nothing will truly ease the pain except time."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"It does, and that moment... it feels good. You don't think. Feel no pain. And even when that pain comes back... at least you were relieved of it for a little while."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

"I would think that having it gone for a little while would only make the pain worse when it returned."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"Not always," she whispered. "Sometimes it makes it easier to deal with. But people deal with pain in different ways. It's how we deal with it." She sighed against him, closing her eyes and she held him.

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

Darius wanted to ask if she was truly sure that Evan was dead, but he doesn't want to upset her in any way or cause unintentional problems, so he simply is there for her and tries to comfort her as best he can.

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

She pulled back and looked up to him, wiping tears away. "I'm sorry. I'll come and... and light a candle.." She turned to leave. "Thank you, Darius."

[on-holy-ground.livejournal.com]

He looked at her and smiled softly. "You have nothing to apologize for, and you can feel free to come here whenever you wish too."

[aeon-flux69.livejournal.com]

"I'll come see you soon," She says softly and leaves, her heart still heavy and sad.