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on_holy_groundI’m afraid that I am not very good at being a man. I know that likely sounds rather strange, but when you understand that I have been a Roman Catholic priest for a great deal of my life, then it might make a bit more sense. For you see, a priest in that position is not really allowed to be a man. A priest is the voice of God on earth for all intents and purposes, and so needs to be something far more in the eyes of his flock than a mere human. We are held to higher standards and must adhere to certain rules within the church, both written and unwritten. It is how things have been for a very long time.
It is because of this that my greatest fear in this relationship is that I no longer know how to be anything else. I am unsure if I can step past the position that I have held for so long and truly remember what it is just to be me. To be perfectly honest, I am not even sure who ‘me’ is anymore outside of my former position. It is hard to try and build a relationship with someone when you don’t even know who you are anymore.
Perhaps I misspoke though. Perhaps my greatest fear is something else entirely. What Ynez wants and needs, what she deserves, is someone who knows how to treat a woman. What I am really afraid of is that I am not the person who can give that to her, even though it is what I want as well.
It is because of this that my greatest fear in this relationship is that I no longer know how to be anything else. I am unsure if I can step past the position that I have held for so long and truly remember what it is just to be me. To be perfectly honest, I am not even sure who ‘me’ is anymore outside of my former position. It is hard to try and build a relationship with someone when you don’t even know who you are anymore.
Perhaps I misspoke though. Perhaps my greatest fear is something else entirely. What Ynez wants and needs, what she deserves, is someone who knows how to treat a woman. What I am really afraid of is that I am not the person who can give that to her, even though it is what I want as well.
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ooc
Date: 2008-04-02 11:15 pm (UTC)She has no idea.
Re: ooc
Date: 2008-04-03 02:29 pm (UTC)Re: ooc
Date: 2008-04-04 12:59 am (UTC)Re: ooc
Date: 2008-04-04 03:29 pm (UTC)Re: ooc
Date: 2008-04-04 05:51 pm (UTC)