on_holy_ground | couples_therapy - #20.4 - How do you respond to feelings of lon

Darius had lived in the apartment with Ynez for several months, but it wasn’t until she had been gone for several days that he realized how much the place resonated with her. Everything he saw reminded him of her, and of all that they had experienced together. After a few weeks had passed and she had not yet returned, he had finally gotten to the point that he could barely stand to go into the kitchen, where the memories of her were the strongest for him. More often than not, he would simply go out to get something at the corner grocery and then eat it in the park, thus avoiding the room altogether.

Her scent also seemed to linger in places, and although it had been quite some time since she had been home, he could still walk into a room and smell her in the air. Each and every time he would feel his heart speed up at the thought that she might have returned, and each and every time he would be disappointed when that was not the case. The first few times it happened, he considered finding one of those room fresheners to mask it, but he could not find it in his heart to do so. Even though it hurt when it happened, it also brought a small sense of comfort as well. It was as though while she was gone, a part of her was still here with him.

However, as the days continued to pass without her return, even that small hope seemed to become harder for him to hold. Instead of comfort, it brought a sense of loss and loneliness that he could not always overcome. He wanted to stay because he knew that she had to return eventually, and he wanted to be here for her when that finally did happen. Yet each day it became harder and harder to live with the ghosts of Ynez and the life that they had together.

Finally, he knew that he needed to get away from the place that held so many shadows of the woman he had come to love. He needed to return to St. Julien’s and find his center, just as Ynez had left to find her own. Sighing softly, he wrote a short note before he left and placed it on the table where she would be sure to see it when she walked in the door.

Dear Ynez,

I tried to stay here and wait for you to return, as I wanted nothing more than to show you how much I love you. However, there is still so much of you here that it started to hurt more every day that I could not see you in person. The more time passed, the more I realized that I could no longer live with you, and yet not be with you. Therefore I have returned to the only other home that I have ever known. When you return, find me there, and I will show you then exactly how much you do mean to me.

Love Always,
Darius